I am PISSED. Not only was I ranting and raving on this fantastic little blog, but I didn't save the post, was almost done writing, and somehow managed to delete the whole thing. Don't you HATE when that happens? Me too. Unfortunately, you're not going to read the masterpiece I worked up previously, as I can't remember what the heck I wrote, but humor me, it will still be entertaining.

Marlena and I were out barhopping last night, as is a longstanding pub crawl tradition. A great drunken time was had by all, for those that drank. For the sober bunches, I'd like to break it down. So you have 4 + bars, a drink at each, a themed event (Revenge of the Nerds in this case- pics up here: http://orlando.metromix.com/bars-and-clubs/photogallery/o-lens-revenge-of/359899/content?track=ORL-network-Dina-shocksquad) and a large group of ridiculous looking people. The nerds, the jocks, the superheros, and the candy boxes were all out to celebrate...well...nothing really, they were just there to drink. Now, I like to go out like the rest of the world. It's actually my job, so it's kind of a requirement. There are a few things I'd like to biatch and moan about though. DISCLAIMER: You may be insulted, but it's your own damn fault. Read on.

 Now if you're like most girls, you don't dress like a nun when you out drinking. As one very kind passerby stated, "This ain't a church crawl, it's a PUB crawl!" Even if you do don a habit, or some less risque attire, I'm sure this has happened to you. I like to call it the drive by, or hit and run. You know the feeling...you're standing in a crowded bar with your friends, drinking, dancing, having a good time, and Rico Suave passes by in your bubble.

 D's dictionary definition of "bubble"- The personal space in which strangers invade your territory and make you want to hit them. Hard. In inappropriate places.

So there's Rico, in your bubble, for what seems like an eternity but in actuality, is probably on a few seconds. You could probably let this go, if it ended at that point. Rico, however, being the super stud that he is, bumps ever so casually into whatever is the most convenient body part in reach. The boobs, the butt, whatever, he gropes and goes. Before you can turn to react and swing, he's gone.

 Now ladies, tell me, is there ever an instance where you'd turn to Captain Obvious and state something like "Oh that was hot! Can I buy you a drink?" Granted, they probably weren't looking for much interaction, but at the very least, they were looking for a little something something. Guys, take note: THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GET IT! In no instance would any woman, girl, or nun looking for a husband, boyfriend, baby daddy, or one night stand, react in a positive way to your hit and run. You're risking getting kicked in some very painful places, which just doesn't seem worth it to me. In the rare instance in which your little shenanigans do work, do you really want to take the chance? I mean, your boys are at stake- or at the very least, the new shirt you're sporting which is about to smell like a brewery. You stand a better chance with something along the lines of "Did you fall from heaven?" or "Do you have a mirror in your pants?" Promise.

Have some class boys- just because you're dressed up like a nerd for a pub crawl doesn't mean you've got a hall pass for some @$$. I don't care what the girl is/isn't wearing...look, don't touch. And don't dirty look either. That's not getting you any brownie points. OK, ranting over. Now on to the crawl update.

 We hit up Cleo's, Vintage/Vixen (formerly The Pour), Wall St., and Antigua. A free drink at each bar, plus killer drink specials all night, means one helluva party. The nerds, the jocks, some superheros (which I'm not sure I get, but it's all good), and some candy (think about it) danced and drank the night away. If you haven't been to a pub crawl- you're dumb. You didn't need to dress as a nerd because you already are one. We don't go to these events every month because they suck- get with the program kids. Check it out- next month is the Slumber Party, so you don't even have to put a lot of effort into your costume, you can roll out of bed and go. April 19th, downtown Orlando, 8pm. Go here to see what you missed http://orlando.metromix.com/bars-and-clubs/photogallery/o-lens-revenge-of/359899/content?track=ORL-network-Dina-shocksquad or to www.orlandopubcrawl.com to see some more madness and buy advanced tickets.

 If you need any other advice on where to go, what to do, or as is the focus of this post, what not to do, feel free to send us a message, a myspace comment, or an e-mail. We're friendly- as long as your name's not Rico.

XOXO,

Dina

Rating: 3 Martinis Verde